SantaBanta Universal Jokes

SantaBanta Universal Jokes

SantaBanta Universal Jokes

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SantaBanta Universal Humour for June 24, 2014 Posted: 23 Jun 2014 11:30 AM PDT The Ultimate Facts Men: 1. All men are extremely busy. 2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women. 3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them. 4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around. 5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others. 6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if the woman leaves them. 7. Although the woman leaves them they still don't learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others. Women: 1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security. 2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff. 3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear. 4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully. 5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "an old rag". 6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect you to compliment them. 7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't believe you. More Jokes .. हम भी किसी से कम नहीं! एक रात को पुलिस वालों ने शराब पी कर गाडी चलाने वालों को पकड़ने के लिए एक बार के बाहर अपनी गाडी खड़ी कर ली। थोड़ी देर बाद जब बार बंद होने वाला था तो एक आदमी बार से बाहर निकला और लड़खड़ाता हुआ अपनी गाडी की तरफ बढ़ने लगा। चलते-चलते वो एक दम से गिर गया। फिर उठा और थोड़ा संभला और आगे बढ़ा। उसने अपनी जेब में से चाबी निकाली 3-4 गाड़ियों को लगाने के बाद उसे अपनी गाडी मिल गयी। वो गाडी में बैठा बड़ी मुश्किल से गाडी स्टार्ट की और चल पड़ा। जैसे ही वो चला पुलिस वालों ने उसके पीछे अपनी गाडी लगा ली और उसे रोक लिया। पुलिस वाले ने उसे Breath Analyzer टैस्ट के लिए बाहर निकलने के लिए कहा। आदमी झट से बाहर निकला। पुलिस वाले ने उसका टैस्ट किया लेकिन टैस्ट में शराब की मात्रा आई ही नहीं। पुलिस वाले हैरान हो गए और उसे पूछा कि इसका क्या राज़ है? आदमी ने उन्हें बताया कि उसने तो शराब पी ही नहीं है। पुलिस वाले: फिर तुम ऐसे क्यों नाटक कर रहे थे? आदमी: ताकि आप मेरे पीछे आ सको और पीछे से बार में बैठे सारे शराबी आसानी से निकल सकें। More Hindi Jokes .. Picture SMS टीचर (पप्पू से): तुम जानवर हो जानवर। पप्पू: मालूम है। टीचर: वो कैसे? पप्पू: पापा मुझे उल्लू का पट्ठा, मम्मी मुझे गधा, दादा जी शेर का बेटा और दादी बंदर कहती है। एक साथ आए दो भाई; बिन उनके दूर शहनाई; पीटो तब वह देते संगत; फिर आए महफ़िल में रंगत। दोस्ती एक मिसाल है जहाँ कोई सरहद नहीं होती; ये वो शहर है जहाँ इमारतें नहीं होती; यहाँ तो सब रास्ते एक-दूसरे के निकलते हैं; ये वो अदालत है जहाँ कोई शिकायत नहीं होती। More Picture SMS .. Clean SMS Internet addiction is now officially a "Mental Disorder" and doctors suggest rehabilitation for the addicts. Even I am ready to go there if they have... . . . . . Wi-Fi! I l... ... I lo.. ... I lov. ... I love ... I love y.. I love yo I love you . . . I love you so much! Bus Yehi Kehna Chahati Thi... . . . Heer Ranjha Se - Magar Bechari ko ENGLISH Nahi Aati Thi! When you are going through something hard and wonder where God is - remember the teacher is always quiet during a test! Hindi SMS टीचर (पप्पू से): तुम जानवर हो जानवर। पप्पू: मालूम है। टीचर: वो कैसे? पप्पू: पापा मुझे उल्लू का पट्ठा, मम्मी मुझे गधा, दादा जी शेर का बेटा और दादी बंदर कहती है। तुम सा कोई दूसरा जमीन पर हुआ तो रब से शिकायत होगी; . . . . . . . एक तो झेला नहीं जाता दूसरा आ गया तो क्या क़यामत होगी। एक साथ आए दो भाई; बिन उनके दूर शहनाई; पीटो तब वह देते संगत; फिर आए महफ़िल में रंगत। Quotes Friendship is one mind in two bodies. Once you start a working on something, don't be afraid of failure and don't abandon it. People who work sincerely are the happiest. Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.

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SantaBanta Universal Jokes

SantaBanta Universal Jokes

SantaBanta Universal Jokes

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SantaBanta Universal Humour for June 23, 2014 Posted: 22 Jun 2014 11:30 AM PDT Twitterati bombards Humshakals After 'Humshakals' debacle, Sajid Khan becomes butt of jokes! Sajid Khan struck again with yet another dud movie that promised to be better than his previous flop- 'Himmatwala'. Tweeples spare none when it comes to taking a jibe. After Alok Nath, Alia Bhatt, Tiger Shroff, it was time for Sajid Khan to face the witty wrath of people on social media. Here's what people had to say: Deleted scene of Humshakals: In beginning Sajid khan narrated the story of movie to Saif and Riteish, both became mad and Sajid recorded it. In a country where Humshakals is a HIT... we deserve directors like Sajid Khan... no rights to thrash him. When will Sajid Khan release the DVD of Humshakal? I want to burn it. Fact: Sajid Khan is still alive because he never watches movies directed by him. Bad decisions are when Sajid khan decides to make a new movie. Bad decisions are when you book tickets for a Sajid khan movie. What acting is to Himmesh Reshamiya, filmmaking is to Sajid Khan. Disaster! It is getting difficult to convince foreigners that India remains a poor country after they see people continue to fund Sajid Khan movies. Everytime we run out of topics to joke about, Sajid Khan comes up with a film. Modi Government announced Rs 2 Lakhs relief fund for every viewer of Humshakals- Sources All Sajid Khan movies are Humshakals of each other. 'Humshakals' should come with a statutory warning: Sajid Khan movies are injurious to your brain! IRAQ govt. decides to beam Humshakals on giant screens across the country so that the ISIS flee in disgust. A nation that helps Humshakals earn 25 cr in 2 days complains of a rise in train fare. CID ko laash ki pocket se Humshakals ki ticket mili. ACP: Case clear hai, it's a suicide. Gabbar: Kitne aadmi the? Kaaliya: Dimag mat kharab kar, abi humshakals dekh ke aa raha hun. Gabbar: Ok bhai sorry. Humshakals has received an overwhelming response in China. Sajid Khan made Himmatwala before Humshakals because he wanted to find the people brave enough to be interested in his next torture. Censor Board asks Sajid Khan to keep a gap of 5 years between his films to allow recovery from earlier ones. Sajid Khan is actually promoting anti piracy by making such movies. Public verdict after watching Himmatwala: This is the worst film we have ever seen. Sajid Khan accepted the challenge and makes Humshakals. BREAKING: Govt has decided to station 2 ambulances outside every multiplex screening. If you watch Humshakals, you seriously need to rethink about meaning of your existence. People watching Humshakals and tweeting their disappointment with the movie is like slapping yourself and then crying for it. Whenever you feel like you need talent to be successful in life, just remember Humshakals made 25 crores in 2 days. More Jokes .. खेल-खेल में! एक दिन एक आदमी जब गोल्फ खेल कर वापस घर आया तो उसकी बीवी ने उसे पूछा, "तुम आज कल अपने दोस्त रमेश के साथ नहीं खेलते?" आदमी: क्या तुम ऐसे इंसान के साथ खेलोगी जो हमेशा Cheating करता हो? जो बॉल गुम होने के बाद अपनी जेब में से दूसरी बॉल निकाल कर कहे कि मुझे बॉल मिल गयी है? क्या तुम खेलोगी? बीवी: नहीं बिल्कुल नहीं। आदमी: इसीलिए रमेश भी नहीं खेलता। More Hindi Jokes .. Picture SMS A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it! Your message is an electrical activity to my heart. Your missed call is a missed beat of my heart. Your call is blood circulation of my heart. And when you don' call me, it's a heart attack. So please keep my Heart active happy and healthy at all times! TRUST is like a Sticker. Once it is removed, it may stick again; But it's hold is not as Strong when it was first applied! More Picture SMS .. Clean SMS Santa to the shopkeeper: Give me one litre Wheat Flour. Shopkeeper: Wheat flour is not sold in litre. Ask for it again. Santa: Ok. Please give me one KG Wheat Flour in this bottle. Shopkeeper: You don't ask like this? Ok. You pose as a shopkeeper and let me buy wheat flour from you. Santa: OK! Shopkeeper: Give me one KG Wheat Flour. Santa: Have you brought the bottle? Preity Zinta launching a tea brand "PREE-TEA" which will fiercely compete with "NESS-CAFE" Take your pick - Tea or Coffee! A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it! Hindi SMS टीचर: एक और एक कितने होते हैं? पप्पू: दो। टीचर: तीन करने हो तो? पप्पू: विवाह कर दो। टीचर: ग्यारह करने हो तो? पप्पू: निकाह कर दो। पप्पू: पापा, आप इंजीनियर कैसे बने? संता: उसके लिए बहुत दिमाग की जरुरत पड़ती है। पप्पू: इसीलिए तो पूछ रहा हूँ क्योंकि मुझे समझ नहीं आ रहा है कि आप कैसे इंजीनियर बने? रात में बिजली न आने पर ज्यादा शोर न करें और सरकार को न कोसें। अच्छे दिनों का वादा हुआ था अच्छी रातों का नहीं। Quotes The trouble with not having a goal is that you can spend your life running up and down the field and never score. Lack of pep is often mistaken for patience. You'll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile.

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SantaBanta Universal Jokes

SantaBanta Universal Jokes

SantaBanta Universal Jokes

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SantaBanta Universal Humour for June 22, 2014 Posted: 21 Jun 2014 11:30 AM PDT Funny Comments Sarthak Agarwal topped HSC by scoring 99.6%. These are the comments he got for the page that published it on facebook. Don't blame me if you die laughing.... 1. Don't publish this fact in newspaper. We have parents to answer. 2. Itna toh mere phone ka battery bhi charge nahi hota... 3. Ye ladka kalpanic hai iska vastavikta se koi sambandh nahi hai. 4. Badhai ho... par aaj 8 saal ho gaye mere XII ke results ko, aaj fir daant padi. 5. Apsara pencil se likha hota to 0.4% bhi mil jate....... extra marks for good hand writing. 6. Tu roadie nahi banega... You dont give ur 100% - Raghu 6. Mere pure graduation ke 3 saal ka total bhi itna nai jitna tu ek exam mein laya hai... 7. Not a big deal... His tutor is Rajnikant. 8. Congrats dude, you are the reason my parents have so many expectations. 9. Itna toh dettol bhi kitanu nahin maarta... 10. See Sarthak, I don't know what tough times you would hav gone through... lekin beta is tarah se padhaai pe gussa nahi nikalte...!!! 11. Main toh agar apna paper khud check karta toh bhi itna marks nahi la paata. FIFA World Cup 2014 WhatsApp Group Spain has left the group Australia has left the group Cameroon has left the group England has left the group Mexico is typing message Croatia: typing message Cote D'Ivoire: typing message Argentina recording Audio Brazil recording Audio Netherland is online Chile is online Pakistan blocked India last seen.... More Jokes ..

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SantaBanta Universal Jokes

SantaBanta Universal Jokes

SantaBanta Universal Jokes

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SantaBanta Universal Humour for June 21, 2014 Posted: 20 Jun 2014 11:30 AM PDT Indian Parents 22 EPIC things only Indian parents say. Read this... 1. Paise Ped Pe Nahi Ugte Hain. 2. Me: Mom, Can I go out for a late night party? Mom: Ask Dad. Dad: Ask Mom. 3. If you don''t reach home by 8 pm, then there's no need to come back. 4. If you don't study and make a career, you will become like him. *points to a homeless man... 5. Bete, abhi padh lo, baad mein aish hi aish hai... 6. Wait till you have Kids of You're own. 7. Isse Boarding school bhejenge tabhi sudherega. 8. Uncle Aunty ke Pair Chuo Beta... Aashirwaad Lo! 9. Kid: Mummy mere maths mein 90 aaye out of 100. Mom: Class mein Highest marks kitney hain? 10. Go and study! Ye dost nahi aane vale tere exams dene. 11. Tumko hi sab pata hai... humne toh duniya dekhi hi nahi hai na. 12. Humari baat sun na kabse shuru karoge? 13. Kahaan hai laad sahab, ye koi time hai ghar aane ka ? 14. Ghus ja TV ke Andar... man of the match toh tujhe he milne wala hai! 15. Aunty ko thank you bolo... bolo... 'Thank you aunty' bolo... 16. Humare Time mein aise nahi hota tha. 17. Jab khud kamaoge toh pata chalega kitna mushkil hai kamana. 18. Kya tumhare dost bhi apne maa-baap se isi tarah baat karte hain? 19. Mein ek hi baat mein baar baar nahi bolungi. You're getting up or no? I'm asking youu one last time. 20. Beta, uncle ko woh dance kar ke dikhao, chalo dance kar ke dikhao. Haha, ab nahi kar raha, sharmila hai thoda. 21. Iske Par nikal aaye hain. 22. Dopahar mein bhi light kyu jalate ho? More Jokes .. वकालत! एक वकील को यह देख कर हैरत हुई कि अंदर के कमरे में बैल कोल्हू खींच रहा है और तेली बाहर बैठा चिलम पी रहा है। वकील ने तेली से कहा, "अगर बैल रुक जाये तो तुम्हें पता ही नहीं चलेगा।" तेली: पता चल जायेगा वकील साहिब, उसके गले में बंधी घंटी भी रुक जाएगी। वकील ने एक मिनट सोचा और फिर बोला, "अच्छा अगर यह एक जगह खड़ा होकर बस अपना सिर हिलाता रहे तो घंटी बजती रहेगी और तुम समझोगे कि बैल चल रहा है।" तेली ने बड़ी शांति से जवाब दिया, "हमारे बैल ने वकालत नहीं पढ़ी है।" More Hindi Jokes .. Picture SMS Banta: Why doesn't China play Cricket? Santa: Actually, ICC doesn't want them to play the game because everyone looks the same. If someone gets out, he shall go to the pavilion, wash his face and come out to bat again! We suffer more often in imagination than in reality. If you salute your work, you do not have to salute anybody. If you pollute your work, you have to salute everybody. More Picture SMS .. Clean SMS Banta: Why doesn't China play Cricket? Santa: Actually, ICC doesn't want them to play the game because everyone looks the same. If someone gets out, he shall go to the pavilion, wash his face and come out to bat again! Tum Apun Ko Itna Message Karta Hai. Apun Ko Reply Karne Ko Majbor Karta Hai. Kya Iss Ke Peechay Koi Plan Hai; . . . . Ya Auron Ki Tarah Tum Bhi Apun Ka Fan Hai! AryaBhatt, great mathematician and astronomer revealed the secret of Eclipse. AliaBhatt: Eclipse... what Eclispe? Nonsense, Sabke 2 Lips Hote Hein! Hindi SMS जहाँ कदम कदम पे मौत घूम रही है आपकी फिराक़ में; अगर जिगर में है दम तो कुछ दिन तो गुजारिये ईराक में। ~ इराक़ टूरिज्म बेवक़ूफ़ बीवी अपने पति को ग़ुलाम बना कर रखती है और खुद ग़ुलाम की बीवी कहलाती है; और समझदार बीवी अपने पति को राजा बना कर रखती है और खुद उसकी रानी बनकर रहती है। इस ग्रुप में: नए पुराने अच्छे बुरे ताज़ा बासी टूटे-फूटे सभी प्रकार के मैसेज स्वीकार किये जाते हैं। कृपया भेजते रहें! याद रखें: हमारी कोई दूसरी शाखा नहीं है। Quotes We suffer more often in imagination than in reality. If you salute your work, you do not have to salute anybody. If you pollute your work, you have to salute everybody. Kiss me my loving babe, kiss me right; Once is not enough, do it at least twice; In the beginning, keep it a little light; Then make it vigourous, I even don't mind a bite!

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