SantaBanta Universal Jokes

SantaBanta Universal Jokes

SantaBanta Universal Jokes

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SantaBanta Universal Humour for December 25, 2013 Posted: 24 Dec 2013 10:30 AM PST Christmas Gift for Mom The Santa Claus at the mall was very surprised when a young lady about twenty years old walked up and sat on his lap. Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, "What do you want for Christmas?" "Something for my mother, please." said the young lady. "Something for your mother? Well, that's very thoughtful of you,'' smiled Santa. "What do you want me to bring her? " Without blinking she replied, "A son-in-law!" Plight of a Married Man Bechaara shaadi shuda aadmi dukhi bhi nahi ho sakta... Wife: I love you baby. Husband (softly): I love you too. Wife: Upset kyun lag rahe ho...??? Husband: Bas thoda mood off tha. Wife: Doston ke saath to bade khush rehte ho, aur mere saath hi drame. Husband (pyar se): Aisa kuch nahi jaanu, tabiyat thodi theek nahi hai. Wife: Haan, agar abhi koi dost phone kare to 2 sec mein tabiyat theek ho jayegi. Husband: Dost kahan se aa gaye, mera mood thoda upset hai bas. Wife: Mere saath hi ye sab hota hai, friends ke saath enjoy karte ho, badi has has ke pictures click karwate ho. Ya koi aur ladki pasand aa gayi..?? Husband (aur jyada pyar se): Arrey, kahan se kahan baat le jaa rahi ho? Wife: Aaj sab clear hoga !! Husband: Kya clear karna hai jaanu, aisa kya ho gaya?? Wife (khud confused): Jab tum khud clear nahi, tumhe kuch pata nahi to main kya bolun..!! Husband (trying to act smart): Tumhe hua kya hai ?? Kis baat pe upset ho ?? Batao!! Wife: Tumhari sangat hi kharab hai !! Husband: Mere saath to tum ho!! Wife: Ab bohut ho gaya, ab aur nahi!! Husband (fully crashed): Yeh toh bata do ki hua kya hai ? Wife: Hum ab saath nahi reh sakte? Husband: Ye baat kahan se aayi? Wife: I want Divorce. Husband: Hmmmm OK !! Wife (gone crazy): Haan, yehi chahte ho tum to, phir tum jo marzi kar sako. Husband: Arrey tumne khudne bola abhi, maine kya galat kaha?? Wife: Itni problem thi to bola kyun nahi, main khud bina bole chali jaati tumhari life se. Husband (apne baal pakad kar): Mujhe meri galti toh bata do. Wife: Waqt aane pe pata chalegi tumhe apne aap, jab main chali jaungi. Husband: Achcha, to main wait karta hoon sahi waqt ka. Wife: Tum serious kab hoge?? Husband: Ab kya hospital mein admit ho jaun, serious hone ke liye? Wife: Go to hell!!! AFTER 3 HOURS. Wife: Tumhe pata hai na, main tumhare bina nahi reh sakti jaanu, sorry !!! I love you my baby. Husband (Sab bhool kar): Achcha, Really!!! I love you tooo... Wife: Upset kyun lag rahe ho ?............... !!! More Jokes .. 10 लाख रूपए! एक बैंक बिल्कुल जेल के सामने था एक दिन बैंक के सेफ का लॉक नही खुल रहा था बैंक वालों ने हर तरह कोशिश की मैकनिक बुलाये पर फिर भी वे सेफ का लॉक नही खोल पाए। तब बैंक मैनेजर ने जेल में जाकर कैदियों से मदद मांगी एक कैदी सेफ का लॉक खोलने के लिए तैयार हो गया। उसे पुलिस सुरक्षा में बाहर लाया गया और उसने थोड़ी ही देर में बिना किसी तोड़फोड़ के सेफ खोल दिया। बैंक मैनेजर उसके उस कारनामे से बहुत खुश हुआ। मैनेजर ने सेफ खोलने वाले कैदी से कहा, "मैं आपसे बहुत खुश हूँ, आपने बिना किसी क्षति के सेफ खोल दिया आप बताईये की इस काम के लिए हम आपको कितने रूपए दें।" सेफ खोलने वाले कैदी ने कहा, "पिछली बार तो जब मैंने ऐसा ही एक सेफ खोला था तो मुझे 10 लाख रूपए मिले थे तभी तो मैं यहाँ हूँ।" More Hindi Jokes .. Picture SMS May Santa Claus shower the bounties of love, laughter, peace and happiness on you at all times! Merry Christmas! May your life be colourful, magnificent, shimmering and joyful - as the magic of Christmas spreads on you! Merry Christmas! Pappu: I'm through with that girl. Bunty: Oh, why? Pappu: She asked me if I danced. Bunty: Well, what's wrong with that? Pappu: I was dancing with her when she asked me! More Picture SMS .. Clean SMS May Santa Claus shower the bounties of love, laughter, peace and happiness on you at all times! Merry Christmas! May your life be colourful, magnificent, shimmering and joyful - as the magic of Christmas spreads on you! Merry Christmas! Pappu: I'm through with that girl. Bunty: Oh, why? Pappu: She asked me if I danced. Bunty: Well, what's wrong with that? Pappu: I was dancing with her when she asked me! Hindi SMS ना कार्ड भेज रहा हूँ; ना कोई फूल भेज रहा हूँ; सिर्फ सच्चे दिल से; आपको मैं क्रिसमस मुबारक हो कह रहा हूँ। बड़े दिन की हार्दिक शुभकामनाएं! चाँद ने अपनी चांदनी बिखेरी है; और तारों ने आसमान को सजाया है; लेकर तोहफ़ा अमन और प्यार का; देखो स्वर्ग से कोई फरिश्ता आया है। बड़े दिन की हार्दिक शुभकामनाएं! 32 सीटों वाली भाजपा केवल "चार" विधायकों का इंतजाम नहीं कर पायी| . . . . और . . . 8 सीटों वाली कांग्रेस ने 28 विधायकों का इंतजाम कर लिया ! Quotes Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money. Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen. Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it.

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SantaBanta Universal Jokes

SantaBanta Universal Jokes

SantaBanta Universal Jokes

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SantaBanta Universal Humour for December 24, 2013 Posted: 23 Dec 2013 10:30 AM PST An Honest Politician and A Generous Lawyer Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up? . . . . . . . . Santa of course, because the other two don't exist! Christmas Gift! After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50. "That's a bit much," said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30. "That's still quite a bit," Tom groused. Growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle. Tom grew agitated, "What I mean," he said, "is I'd like to see something real cheap." So the clerk handed him a mirror. Students and Their Favourite Songs... SCHOOL: Apni toh paatshala, masti ki pathshala... TUTION: Idhar chala main udhar chala, jaane kahaan main kidhar chalaa... MATHS: Ajeeb dastan hai yeh, kahan shuru khana khatgam... SCIENCE: Aa khusi se kudkushi karle... GEOGRAPHY: Musafir hoon main yaaro, na ghar hai na thikaana... ECONOMICS: Kyu paisa paisa karti hai, paise pe kyu tu marti hai.... EXAM: Zehrelein raatey ninde udd jati hai... RESULT: Jiya dhadak dhadak jaye, Jiya dhadak dhadak jaye... PASS: Aaj mai upar asman niche, aaj mai aage jamana hai pichhe... FAIL: Jag suna suna lage... More Jokes .. Picture SMS अध्यापक पप्पू से: मामूली शब्द को वाक्य में बदलो। पप्पू बहुत देर सोचने के बाद: मेरी 'माँ मूली' बड़े शौंक से खाती है। बीत गया जो साल भूल जाएँ; इस नए साल को गले लगाएँ; करते हैं हम दुआ रब से सर झुका के; इस साल के सारे सपने पूरे हों आपके। नव वर्ष की हार्दिक शुभकामनाएं! कितनी हसीं यह रात आई है; चाँद तारों की सौगात साथ लाई है; हमारी चाहत का ही तो असर है ये; यूँ ही नहीं यह बरसात आई है। शुभरात्रि! More Picture SMS .. Clean SMS Santa: Some grey bearded man is using my name and distributing Christmas presents. Banta: You mean, Santa Claus? Santa: Yes. I can't distribute gifts but can only spread happiness and laughter! Merry Christmas! Joy to the world! the Lord is come; Let earth receive her King; Let every heart prepare him room, And heaven and nature sing, And heaven and nature sing, And heaven, and heaven, and nature sing. ~ Isaac Watts Merry Christmas! Angels, from the realms of glory, Wing your flight o'er all the earth; Ye who sang creation's story, Now proclaim Messiah's birth: Come and worship, come and worship Worship Christ, the newborn King. ~ James Montgomery Merry Christmas! Hindi SMS भगवान करे क्रिस्मस की सभी ख़ुशियाँ आपके हृदय में निवास करें; इसीलिए हमारी तरफ से आप और आपके सभी प्रियजनों को इस सार्थक क्रिस्मस और स्वस्थ और सुंदर नए साल की शुभकामनाएं हैं। बड़े दिन की शुभकामनाएं! सब के हाथों में कुछ लकीरें हैं; बनती जिनसे सब की तक़दीरें हैं; दुआ करते हैं आपके हाथों में वो लकीरें कुछ ख़ास हों; और इस क्रिस्मस पे दुनियाँ की सारी ख़ुशियाँ आपके पास हों। बड़े दिन की शुभकामनाएं! अध्यापक पप्पू से: मामूली शब्द को वाक्य में बदलो। पप्पू बहुत देर सोचने के बाद: मेरी 'माँ मूली' बड़े शौंक से खाती है। Trivia An infant human has about 300 bones, some of which fuse together as the youngster grows up. An adult human typically has 206 bones. The fear of being forgotten and or ignored by someone whom you strongly care about is 'Athazagoraphobia'. Quotes Christmas is the day that holds all time together. Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love! It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air.

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SantaBanta Universal Jokes

SantaBanta Universal Jokes

SantaBanta Universal Jokes

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SantaBanta Universal Humour for December 23, 2013 Posted: 22 Dec 2013 10:30 AM PST Free Christmas Tree! My son asked me if we could have a tree this Christmas. I told him I didn't want to pay for a tree and that's that. He wouldn't stop asking though, every five minutes he wanted to know why we couldn't have a tree. In the end I grabbed my axe and stormed out of the house. Ten minuted later I returned with an eight foot Christmas tree. "Wow," said my son. "You cut that down quick." "Son," I replied, "I didn't cut it down, I got it from the local shop." He looked puzzled and said, "Why did you take the axe then?" "I told you, I didn't want to pay for a Christmas tree." I Love You! Ek ladka ek ladki ko bahut chahta tha, lekin apne pyaar ka izhaar karne se darta tha. Ek din us ladke ne socha ki chahe jo bhi ho jaaye vo us ladki ko msg kar ke 'I Love You' zaroor kahega aur apne prem ka izhaar karega. Usne raat ko apne mobile pe 'I Love You' likha aur us ladki ke number pe SMS send kar diya. Jaise hi vo sone laga tabhi uske mobile pe ek message aaya lekin usne decide kiya ki vo messages subah uth kar, naha kar, mandir se vaapas aa kar hi message check karega. Raat bhar vo us ladki ke sapne dekhta raha. Isi chakkar mein subah bhi jaldi uth gaya aur nahakar mandir chala gaya. Mandir se aate hi usne mobile uthaya aur message pada. Message the: A/C balance is insufficient. Main bal is Rs. 0.08. Msg can not be send. More Jokes .. Picture SMS Teacher: It has nine eyes, three noses, four mouths and six pair of ears. What is it? Pappu: Ugly! God created me to be your friend. He picked me out from all the rest because He knows... I am well one of the best. Ahem!!! Don't argue with God now! पत्नी: आपके जन्मदिन के लिए इतना मस्त सूट लिया है कि पूछो मत। पति: शुकर है तुम्हें मेरा ख्याल तो आया, लाओ दिखाओ। पत्नी: अभी पहन के आती हूँ। More Picture SMS .. Clean SMS Bowler: I had three catches dropped today. Captain: Yes, but they were all dropped by spectators in the stand! Teacher: It has nine eyes, three noses, four mouths and six pair of ears. What is it? Pappu: Ugly! God created me to be your friend. He picked me out from all the rest because He knows... I am well one of the best. Ahem!!! Don't argue with God now! Hindi SMS पत्नी: आपके जन्मदिन के लिए इतना मस्त सूट लिया है कि पूछो मत। पति: शुकर है तुम्हें मेरा ख्याल तो आया, लाओ दिखाओ। पत्नी: अभी पहन के आती हूँ। शादीशुदा आदमी के लिए 'ए जी, सुनते हो' ऐसा है जैसा कि 'बिग बॉस चाहते हैं'। प्रिय अरविंद केजरीवाल जी, इस ठंड के मौसम में आम आदमी का बिजली बिल तो वैसे ही कम आता है। ठंड के मौसम में हफ्ते में 2-3 दिन नहाने के कारण पानी भी कम खर्च होता है तो 700 लिटर पानी का क्या आचार डालेंगे। अगर आप आम आदमी को कुछ देना ही चाहते हैं तो धूम 3 ‬की महंगी टिकट कम कीमतों में दिलवा दीजिए ताकि इस ठंड के मौसम में अपनी गर्लफ्रेंड के साथ फिल्म तो देख सकें| एक गरीब प्रेमी Trivia In Nova Scotia, Canada. it's against the law to water the grass while it's raining outside. Australia's largest petition (792k signatures), presented on December 04, 2000, was to protest the rise in beer prices! Quotes Last Christmas someone stole my present. I've spent this year living in the past. There are some people who want to throw their arms round you just because it's Christmas, there are other people who want to strangle you just because its Christmas. When will Bollywood go international? When we stop celebrating mediocrity.

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